i'm angry. so angry i complain and make others angry just so i don't have to feel so miserable and alone in how mad i am at everything

so i was, once again, back home in stockton. this time for two reasons: 

1) the excruciatingly monotonous celebration of thanksgiving (a completely bunk holiday to begin with); and

2) my sister, Melissa's wedding.

the latter was obviously the more enjoyable. i walked my sister down the aisle, in place of our father, who wasn't much of one, really. anyway, neither of those two things has much to do with this piece. 

i wrote this partially in San Francisco, a day or two before heading back to the death-hole central valley, and i was interrupted by an irrepressible impulse to clean the house. it happens, so i go with it. 

needless to say the manic/obsessive/compulsive fit kind of killed the previous endeavors dead. murdered them into not-living. slain them to death. slaughtered them to their demise. drained the life from them until they had passed on. 

that was really stupid. i think i may have to reconsider this prologue thing. whatever.

here's the poem, the title is self-explanatory. i figured it is best to be honest with myself no matter how dumb an idea it is...right?

i'm angry. so angry i complain and make others angry just so i don't 

have to feel so miserable and alone in how mad i am at everything

scared of my phone

and the messages it will receive  

i now realize there isn't a correct way 

to end a conversation  

supposed intersections 

are only frames for 

quickly-painted collision scenes  

-it's all such a terrible film-  

a nice crash 

but not enough 

broken windows  

-i could split the picture in two 

but it would still show the same image-  

the lighters don't speak 

and the people just burn  

the outside isn't going anywhere 

and delays amass quickly and slow the pace 

to a palpitating rhythm 

-and "interestingly unpredictable"  

 is a cheap description of life  

like bursting into tears 

or bursting into flames 

are pretty much the same thing-

 

a sweet impact  

but not enough detail  

a long ride  

with too many airbags 

and just the right amount of damage 

to still call it an accident